Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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