White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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