I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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