I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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