I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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