I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
