On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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