How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
