Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
