I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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