Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
