I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
