I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
