I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
