I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
