Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I didn't notice because vodka
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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