I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
