Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
