i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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