I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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