the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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