Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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