i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
