Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
