Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
