Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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