My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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