Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
