Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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