Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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