My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
