You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
