honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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