you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
