It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
