Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
