You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
