part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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