new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
