Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
smell my finger.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
