Hey man sorry I got all grabby
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
