My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize