also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
