I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
