So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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