Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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