When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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