i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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