Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
