The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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