i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
