we have officially lost it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
